Think your ready for school? Think again- MUST HAVE INFO FOR SCHOOL MUMS!

I considered writing a soppy post about how Erin is moving to year 1. Well quite frankly I am happy we’re getting our routine back! I haven’t had anymore time with her than normal this holiday as I have worked still- my normal routine will be welcomed back with open arms.

Instead I’m going to entertain you with a pretty hellish story about when she was in reception. I would like to entitle it “Threadworm Butt”.

One night I had gone out with a friend of mine to the cinema, we had a lovely girlie night. On the way I glanced over that weeks school newsletter… something about worms, nits and god knows what other nasties. I didn’t fancy it so I didn’t read on. Oh I wish I had.

I get a few panicked texts from Matt at 10pm ish. Erin had been up crying and wriggling. Christ she’s playing up- bloody wriggling what kind of a ailment is that supposed to be. I thought it was time to head home so we called it a night.

I arrive home to Erin tucked up in bed asleep. Nothing too disastrous can be wrong?! Matt explained that she had said she couldn’t sit still and continually wriggled whilst crying saying her tummy hurt. Odd. But she must be ok as she’s asleep.

I settled myself in bed and opened my emails and thought maybe I ought to read the newsletter properly… new school mums- always read it, it has vital school info.

I get to threadworm… delightful eh! Symptoms list: wriggling, tummy ache, visible worms in the Bum at night. JESUS CHRIST.

I hopped out of bed donning the iPhone torch. I went to Erin’s room and looked in her bum. (Yep gross but when your a mum, you have seen it all.) YUK, ARGHHH, EUGHHH!!!!!

THERE IS A THREADWORM STARING BACK AT ME!!!!!!! I get some tissue and try to get it… yep again classy mum behaviour. It goes in every time. At this point I want to vomit!!!

I spend the next two hours driving around for 24 hour pharmacies. People at midnight in a semi rural area these don’t exist.

Panicky I eventually get to sleep- alarm set for 7am. The pharmacy two doors down literally looks at me like I have lost the plot when I burst in- milliseconds after they have opened.

I purchase a scrubbing brush, bleach, wipes, antibacterial wash and drugs for us all. Items that Mumsnet told me I would need in the forums at 3am, after frantic googling.

I spend the entire day scrubbing Erin, the house, her hands (1000 times) and everything and everyone I saw. GROSS.

I can confirm- we didn’t die, no one else got it, and apparently it’s common. I don’t want it again- Thanks though!!!

On the other hand you lovely lot- if this has cheered you up and you enjoyed this tale. Then Blitz Nits and other nasties- is for you!! Mumsnet & Bloomsbury books have sent me a copy and it’s great. You no longer feel alone like I did in Threadworm gate!!! It’s fab and the stories are real life!!! I can’t wait for Nit Gate at our house- NOT!!!! But I’m all prepared thanks to these lovelies!

Advice for parents of new school kids