Does it really matter anymore?! Lockdown lumps and bumps!

If you have been here a while you will see that I made a huge effort to lose weight in August I mean a huge effort- the lovely Sarah helped me every step of the way and inspired me.

I am not kidding you….I have got so fat since…. so fat that I am now the same weight as when I put on all the weight during lockdown. I’m like a naughty school girl hiding in the fridge eating all the cake/chocolate/coke/insert ANY food item here!!

I’m fed up. I’m fed up of looking at my body and feeling vile. I’m fed up of feeling like I am not myself. I know I’m not “fat” but I’m not me. I feel bloated and horrid. But… and this is a big but…. do I actually care enough to get rid of it?! No I don’t think I do ??

I have started exercising again as I feel massively better including feeling better mentally as well as physically but it’s not for the weight loss, what I have realised is I’m happy when I eat food! I don’t have much else to get excited about at the moment so starving myself will make me miserable!

I also think with PCOS I have some form of weird hormone imbalance which makes standard diets etc difficult. As in the summer everything that I lost was in working out nothing to do with food. But I had to work out everyday and I’m not sure it’s completely sustainable- in fact it’s bloody hard.. two kids, a house, a dog, work! And also I do on average 13000-20000 steps a day and I’m still not changing on the scales or waist measurements for that matter (for those scale haters ?)

Unfortunately I am a comfort eater and the moment I feel like I’m starting like I’m losing control of situation… covid/moving/anything else that’s going mad at the moment- I just eat… eat for England!!!!

If I don’t do it for me I won’t do it for anyone because who should I do it for? So I just think until the world returns screw it! As long as I’m healthy and I’m still not having to buy new sizes of clothes does it actually matter?!

How are you feeling have you put weight on in lockdown or have you gone for the exercise route?